Ep. 17, Joyride To Egypt: French Chocolate English

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Dancing the night away with Scheri and our new pet monkey seemed like the best way to avoid thinking about the next hurdle in my path to true love. The issue of bringing my children to Egypt was looming larger on the horizon. Clearly, Mr. Answer to my Prayers wasn’t thrilled to include them on the guest list, although he was far too diplomatic to come right out and say it.

On the one hand, an Egyptian honeymoon without the responsibilities of child care was quite enticing. I was very sure my husband-to-be was looking forward to the greater degree of privacy this would give us. On the other hand, there was not one soul on the earth that I could ask for that kind of help. Never the self-pitying type, I just crossed that hand off the list, and wrote my wedding invitations to the two most important human beings on the earth to me. My daughter and son were not negotiable, they were coming to my wedding, or I wouldn’t go to Egypt!

Sinking into my bed with the music still playing in my head, I slept immediately, exhausted from dancing with my delusions. Being brutally independent never stopped me from socializing with myself. Nesting fantasies within fantasies was the greatest innovation I gained from writing computer programs for a living while reading “A Thousand and One Nights.” Stoking the brain to crank out computer logic is performed on the same cerebral wavelength as dreaming of dancing with a genie named Scheherazade.

It was the sound of a most unusual accent that woke me. I was dreaming of my work, sitting at my desk and staring at my computer. The peace lily beside my phone needed watering, I noticed as the ringing phone caught my attention. I was sure it was my boss calling. “Alo? Aisha, my Darrrrrrrling?” I never heard my boss roll his r’s like that, and he certainly never called me ‘darling’ – I stared at the phone in my hand and looked around. It was dark, I was in my bed, my phone was in my hand, and… my Egyptian Sultan was on the phone???!

Ooooohlala! What an amazing accent! I was talking with Mr. Answer to my Prayers, but my computer circuits were analyzing his voice. Every ‘the’ was ‘zuh,’ like a delicious french accent, but every ‘r’ rolled from his tongue like a purring tiger lolling on the other end of my phone… so french, so exotic, so deep, dark chocolate, for sure he was just a dream!

Then a rooster began crowing in the background, somewhere far away in a strange place called Egypt, and I remembered he owned a chicken farm. He laughed heartily when I asked him “how are your chickens today?”

“Zey weell not be ‘appy unteel you arrrrrrrive ‘ere, my Darrrrrrrrling, zey weell crrrry everrrry day ‘teell you come!”

The rooster was crrrrrrying in zuh farrrrraway deestance when zuh line suddenly drrrrropped and I sat alone in the dark. My adrenaline was probably glowing in the dark, though, as I scrambled to my desk and fired up my computer.

From: Aisha
To: Mohamed
Date: Wed, 30 June, 1999, 05:54:37
Subject: Mohamed Habibi Hayati
Mmmmmmy sweetheart Mohamed
oh darling, how wonderful to talk to you, to wake up to your voice in my ear, ohhhh thank you for calling me so soon! Yes, yes, yes, I love you and it was beautiful to talk with you, my yummy egyptian chocolate sultan, I loved your words, and I will carry your voice in my ears and in my heart all day long so I can hear you over and over again! Mmmmm mmmm!

Allow me to use your words, to answer your last email, my darling:

Don’t worry if you one day for any reason hang up about sex or feel you don’t like it you will never lose me and I will never be fooling around behind your back, because I love your personality before your body, I will be always with you in the good time and the bad time, insha’aAllah all your time with me will be a very good time

yaaaa, mohamed, I love you dearly, sweetheart, and I am a woman who believes in being faithful to my husband. Trust and love must grow side by side, just as we will grow together in each other’s hearts, I just know it because of my feelings for you already.

I believe you will be happy to share with me my hobbies too, like the small little animals, and plants and flowers and roses, when we are gardening our house roof together.


I just love it that you like gardening for a hobby, we will have flowers and plants that grow side by side, too!

What kind of animals do you like?

By the way, Buddy has a big dream of riding a camel someday, isn’t that funny? Like mama like son! He is getting the horseback riding lessons, too, remember we weren’t sure if he was old enough this year, he is and he really enjoyed his first lesson!

No I don’t feel we in the middle of, I think we almost reach the top or we will reach it very soon when we spend half of our honeymoon here in our apartment in Egypt very soon

yes, my love, but is it our honeymoon? Sweetheart, I need to say I’m soooo afraid!!!

I feel pressure for several reasons, and it scares me… I think I’m going too fast… I think we should allow ourselves some time to get over being shy… I think I’m going to be shy at first, and nervous, and I have to admit, a little scared…

What we have is so amazing… I think I must be a little crazy for doing this, and then again, I will not consider saying no!
Please forgive me for these fears, I want to be honest and tell you I am feeling them, but I am trying to ignore them… I’m having trust and patience to combat the fear which accompanies the unknown.

Insha’aAllah we will be in this deep love me and you forever, as more as we know each other as more we will love each other, we do find each other because our purpose is the same

this is why I’m having trust and patience, because our pupose is, I believe it too, the same…
I want to be the sweet happy funny crazy wife of Mohamed, my loving romantic sweet happy husband, and together we form a sweet loving funny crazy family with my two darling children who will love you as dearly and drive you as nutty as I do!

Do you think you are already as nutty as me?
Hahaha I think maybe you are more…

The roof on the house and on the farm is very private… if you like we can keep a bed on our roof so you can sleep under the stars

ohhh, yesyesyesyesyessssssssssssssweetheart!

When you come here just bring with you a marital statement showing that you are clearly divorced and translated to Arabic and accepted from Egyptian Embassy in USA, and permission that your US Government allowed you to marry, and also if you have any certificate that you are Muslimah. It is not for the Government, they do not care if I will marry any religion, but this one I will show to my relatives to proud soooo much of my MUSLIM American wife, and simply they will accept our marriage in few moments.

I tried to call the embassy yesterday, but no one answered, so I’ll try again later today. And the Islamic center will have a woman call me back to talk with me about the certificate. But the divorce paper translated is trickier, since it’s many pages long and full of ridiculous details and I don’t really think it’s necessary to translate all that! But they must be familiar with this case, so I’ll see what they say.

Please allow me to talk with you freely as I do always, and please try to understand me. I was thinking if you come for short time like two weeks and this is the first time we will meet, I prefer we will be by ourselves because the time you will spend with me is short already and we are very need to every moment to ourselves for the first time.

I do understand, very much, honey, I just need to explain a little more. I have only two choices for the kid’s care if I am gone: my mother and her husband in Pennsylvania, but you understand my mother goes to work every day, and the only other choice I have is my children’s other grandmother, but she goes to work every day, too!

I just need you to understand that it’s really tough for me to get a commitment from them to help me with the kids. It’s difficult to get help from people with busy schedules, although they are not against helping! So I will talk with them and see what will work out best, and if one of them can help me. That’s what I’m hoping for, anyway, because I see the value of your words.

Anyway, after we’re married, there will be lots of trips to Egypt for the children, so this first trip may be best if they don’t take it with me. I just can’t promise you that I have someone to take care of them, only that I am trying my best to make that happen.

But if you will not accept my idea, do what ever you want to do, and I will respect your opinion.

Thank you very much for such sweet understanding, my love. I am so badly in need of sweet words, I need lots and lots of them, and smiles, and hugs, and snuggles, and kisses and touches and strokes and lips and tongues and more and more and more, and I will give you all this in return, I can definitely promise you that!
hahaha, I believe I’m too excited! I will be there soon, sweet chocolate sultan… with or without the children! We still have loads more to ask about… I would like to know more and more and more, Mohamed, I love the way we have so much to share with each other!

Millions of sweet juicy kisses for you, my love

I knew I wasn’t exactly vaulting over the hurdle of “what to do with the children.” Taking my cue from Mr. Answer to my Prayer’s diplomatic stylebook, I did the best I could with my first attempt at diplomacy. In my previous marriage there were only two modes for conflict management: Agression, and Passive Agression. I am intimately battle scarred from both. Disagreeing while slow dancing under the covers of a starry night and a love letter might be the other side of the coin called passive aggression. It is definitely far more agreeable.

Anyway, slow dancing with delusions is not really the same thing as lying. Neither was pretending to give him what he wanted regarding the children. I prefered to think of it as “framing reality with fuzzy edges.” I was hoping millions of delusional sweet juicy kisses might help, too!

A loud, squeaky, sloppy kissy kiss noise distracted me from my sweet, juicy dream kisses. It was that damn Genie! No, it was that damn Monkey who used to be my damn Genie! Sitting on a little table beside Scheherazade, admiring her as she was doing her morning dance-arobics!

“Echhhhh, Scheri! He’s blowing kisses at me, he’s sooooo gross this morning!” Hating to be interrupted in the middle of her morning routine, she ignored me as if I was only a figment of her imagination.

“HEEEEEheeheeheeheeeee!” I fled from the room, laughing like a mad hyena at the hilarious thought of my life as a nested delusion within a delusion.


Sources: Kissing monkey and harem girl


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18 thoughts on “Ep. 17, Joyride To Egypt: French Chocolate English

  1. Fantastic read sis! I absolutely adore your writing style, as it’s filled with beautiful descriptive words that flawlessly describe every detail of the story, MASHA’ALLAH! Beautifully written as always and so engaging xoxoxo stay blessed my dearest!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my,oh my ! What a pleasant and dreamy read with absorbing details and stunning photos to go with ! You are a great,talented writer,a great story-teller my dear Aisha ! I love your writing style ; you very well know how to excite the imagination of your readers and amuse them.Most originative story,I enjoyed every line of it and I also got my laugh … Next time you had better loudly read your story to the monkey to lullaby it to sleep and let you live your dreams …
    Much love ❤️❤️❤️ and big hugs my sweet friend ! Keep going … :))))) xxx


    • Lol, you tickle me, Doda, I love how you understand me and my crazy dreams! This is lots of fun for me, too, I get a big kick out of playing with Scherezade and that damn monkey, lol! It really makes me happy that you are enjoying it too! ♥♥♥ ;^)))

      Liked by 1 person

    • Very nice to meet you, Melanie and warm chocolatey sweet greetings from Egypt! I’m on my way over to visit your blog now, and thanks so much for visiting me and introducing your sweet self! ❤❤❤;^)


  3. I don’t remember how i discovered your blog, but i just read all 17 chapters in one go!! this story is just so enchanting and gripping, one of the best blogs i have read in a very long time!! please write the rest as soon as possible!! i can’t wait to find out what happens next


    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol, thank you so much, ya Nadda! You make my day/week/month/year! I’ve been very busy lately helping a friend while she’s on maternity leave until the end of march. I write for edenkeeper.org ( http://edenkeeper.org/author/aishaabdelhamid ) but I’ve taken over as editor also for this short time and soon I’ll be back to writing here more regularly, insha’Allah, in April. I really miss my blog, it was way more fun than anything else I’ve ever done! So happy to meet you, and I’ll come visit your blog asap! ♥♥♥;^)


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