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Happily finding myself in the driver’s seat of a new car, and my old car now firmly in my own posession, I returned to my usual daily routine, imagining that my life was regaining stability. “Stable” is a relative term, however, and totally related to factors usually beyond human control. It’s not a generic term like “normal,” whose definition can apply even to the roller coaster track as long as it’s what we’ve become accustomed to. No, I was dreaming of life on a level playing field, a bowling lane where troubles lay only on the extreme margins of the track; a nice, flat, smooth surface where good aim and a prayer could strike success and make us jump for joy.
It is rare when a dreamer realizes she is dreaming. Once I read that when this happens, the dreamer usually wakes up immediately. Dreams don’t usually occupy the same “real estate” as reality, at least not in “normal” people. Of course, “normal,” as I previously noted, could be just about anybody. “Stable” people, on the other hand, are probably too “flat” for virtual layers floating within the confines of their physical “real estate.” So while, on the one hand, I desperately wanted to be a stable person, on the other hand I had a whole new virtual life inhabiting my consciousness in a way that was leaving me breathless and giddy. And totally aware that I was dreaming.
I wondered if I was “lucid” dreaming. An even more rare state of dreaming, lucid dreaming is a really cool phenomenon noted by dream researchers, and other nerds I probably share a few molecules of DNA with. Just in case you’re interested, it is believed that a lucid dreamer can to some degree consciously participate within the dream, possibly even manipulating their experiences ocurring in the dream. Dreamers who report their lucid dreams say they are quite realistic and vivid. Dream researchers using lab equipment to test dreamers report higher amounts of beta-1 frequency band (13–19 Hz) experienced by lucid dreamers, meaning that there is an increased amount of activity in the parietal lobes of the brain, indicating conscious thought processing during a lucid dream. I was definitely conscious, and I was definitely dreaming. I was definitely not feeling “normal!”
But I felt like I had been flying long enough, so I flew down and sat at my dream computer, dreaming of my next email to Mr. Answer to my Prayers. The highest virtual layer floating within the confines of my physical “real estate,” prayers represent an even more enigmatic reality in my “normally” overcrowded consciousness. My faith in God is real, my communication is sincere, and I believe that I am being “heard.” There are no dream researchers who can tap into the sealed and secure layer of communication between a creature and her Creator. Who can explain that it’s all just a dream, or deny that it is a prayer in the middle of answer, to a woman in love with an email?
The days flew by, as you might imagine, as if in a dream. Nothing memorable happened, and no reply arrived in the email. The beta-1 frequency band (13–19 Hz) in the parietal lobes of my brain went flatter than that bowling lane I was earlier wishing for. It obviously wasn’t the more brilliant wish I’d ever made. My brain, my life, my days, my nights, they all turned to foggy mush like the drugged sleep of a lately lobotomized mental patient. I figured out after three days of “stability” that bowling does not belong on my bucket list. Finally, a little flicker of Rapid Eye Movement occured on Thursday evening, giving me only the slightest hope of a dream sequence appearing on the horizon of my consciousness. My view was foggy, though, and I was feeling a little queezy…
From: Mohamed |
To: Aisha |
Date: Thu, 24 Jun 1999 19:46:11 |
Subject: Salam ya Aisha |
My true friend, my deep real love Aisha |
I am very busy lately, trying to contact some of my old friends about the education for our kids, you know I was working for the Ministry of Education, and I have many old friends in that field and for sure they know the system more than me, because they are still working many years now after me. Specially because our kids can’t speak Arabic, so I went today to the Head Office in Cairo for that reason to make sure about everything before I come to bring you and the kids here. |
I am very sorry that I just came now very late after my meeting. I met four of my friends in the Education Department, and many of the managers in the Head Office. I feel so down because the result doesn’t come as I hope, I will write to you all the details tomorrow, because I came late tonight and very tired, and don’t feel well. |
All what I know now, your love runs in my body same as my blood. Your love goes so far and so deep in my heart, I melt now when I read your message. I love you Aisha and I will always love you, and you will be my true friend to the last moment of my life. |
l wish you would be my wife and be with me in my bed even one month before I die… |
All my love to you, big hug and warm kisses to your beautiful lips |
Mohamed |
All the turbulence in the clouds gathered at that moment to toss me around like a pigeon caught in a turbo propeller. Fighting to regain altitude and rise above this storm, I wasted neither oxygen nor brain waves, pulling on the accelerator lever hard with one hand, and hitting the reply button hard with the other.
From: Aisha |
To: Mohamed |
Date: Thu, 24 Jun 1999 21:49:33 |
Subject: Salam ya Mohamed |
My Darling Mohamed I won’t be able to stand it if you are only a dream afterall. No I don’t think I shall breathe properly until you write again, though from the sound of your last letter I feel certain you will be telling me goodbye. |
Well, I pray for your sweet rest, and more energy for tomorrow, and more than this I pray for a miracle for us, my sweetest friend, and beautiful love, because your words tell me to expect something like a broken dream… |
But I will dream, instead, of me snuggling in your hug, Mohamed, and feeling your warm kisses on my hungry lips. Ohhhh, why would it matter where you met me? Do you think now that we will not meet???? I am going to sleep early so the dream will last longer. |
Tisbah ala khair, my sweet love ;^* |
Aisha |
“Scheherazade! Where are you when I need you, Scheri? Could you please leave that blasted Genie alone for ten minutes? Bring that carpet with you, too! I am bored out of my head! Let’s go for a really long ride!”
“No way, Aisha! You’ll probably throw up all over me again, just like last time! Come lay down over here and I’ll tell you a story instead.”
“Ohhh, alright, but bring your magic book, Scheri, the one where the pictures come alive!”
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;^)
I’m linking up this post to Lana’s “What Dreams Are Made Of” Writing Challenge it’s open till May 18, so join us here for more fun with dreams! ;^)
Amazing post my friend 🙂
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Thanks very much!
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So romantic–you both have a way with words. 🙂
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Thanks Marcy, it’s great to see you!
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I’m with Marcy. Your love story is pretty epic!
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Thanks so much, wow, that’s really great encouragement!
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Sigh, love letters. My idea of romance, right there.
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Sigh, I’m soooo happy to share them, and smiling wide when you enjoy them, thanks very much Natalie!
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Even though your courtship was via computer, your love story strikes me as old-fashioned. I mean that in a good way.
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Yes, this is true! First, we’re not spring chickens, lol, and since marriage was the goal it didn’t make sense to become very ‘familiar’ too quick, especially since we were both from very different cultures. It was so helpful, tho, to be able to correspond online – I guess it might have been impossible any other way!
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Reading your love story makes me thrilled. You had decided a big leap in your life. And you get your true love. Destiny has brought your path across.
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*smiling very big* thanks Ida, thats so sweet! I’m very happy to meet you!
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