Shy is not one of my personal adjectives. If you get to know me, you will know this. But fear of rejection is a phobia I hide in my heart and it seriously affects my social life. It prevents me from maintaining friendships with more than three people at any one time. But now, coming at this moment out of a rotten marriage to an agressive, dictatorial and emotionally abusive alchoholic, you might think that shy would be a good way to describe how I was feeling. I was definitely a few quarts low on the self confidence meter, but shy? No, I wasn’t shy. I was totally scared to death.
This felt like my big moment arriving, and I was completely unprepared for it. Every good quality I had been dreaming about in a husband was suddenly present in front of me, and he was inviting me to send him a message. The ‘Send A Message’ button was right there in front of me, practically begging me to push it. I had returned to my computer, half expecting the miracle ad to no longer be there, but there it was, patiently waiting my return. I sat and stared at the face of the man in the ad. I liked his eyes, they looked like the sharp eyes of a deep thinker. I liked his ad, he obviously put a lot of thought into it. I liked his unpolished English maybe best of all, and his mistakes inspired me to believe him. And finally, I liked his suit, he looked like a very respectable, professional man. I thought we’d look very nice together!
.
.
I may be secretly afraid of personal rejection, but in my professional life I’m secretly fearless in the face of a challenge. I just don’t chit chat much on the job, and I’m usually seen as a well-dressed loner who can get the job done right the first time. Especially if it has anything to do with programming a computer.
But when a position opened up on the Interactive Multimedia Team, my bosses honored my request immediately for the job. A whole new and exciting world opened up for me when I entered that office. My coursework in college had included all the core courses of the Graphic Art curriculum, as I had hoped to land a job as a computer graphic artist. Thankfully, my bosses agreed that I might be good at this new technology. It was awesome! My new team leader was a dreamer of really big dreams and had the uncanny ability to sell our services in really high places. Congress and Hollywood fell in our laps, to the complete delight of our bosses. We were commisioned by Congress to program PCs to make computer training for the DoD with video made in Hollywood, and graphics made by yours truly. This was the Main Menu I created:
It is an understatement to say that this new job was a dream come true, and things were really looking up in my life at that exact moment in time. It wasn’t too much for me to hope for one more dream to come true. I just needed a strategy to overcome that pesky fear of rejection! I prayed to Allah, thanking Him for putting this opportunity in front of me. And then, for the first time in my life, I faced my fear as a challenge.
I read again the ad of the man I hoped to marry, and I hit the button that said ‘send a message.’
Immediately, (or something like a whopping 14 kbps on a dialup fax modem) I was presented with a form in which I could type my message. At the top of the page, though, was the question: “Reply to this ad with your ad?” This seemed like a wonderful strategy for avoiding direct contact, and thus eased my fear of rejection. So I hit cancel and hit the home page to figure out how to create an ad. My thinking was that he could view my ad, and if he didn’t agree that I was a good match, he didn’t even have to reply. A perfect answer! Even better, I discovered that I could make my ad “Private,” meaning that it would receive no hits from a search. That was perfect, too, because I was not interested in personal rejection on such a public scale. I just wanted one link to provide to this one man – that was more than enough at the moment! When it was finished, my ad looked like this:
After completing this private ad, I returned to complete my message to Mr. “Answer To My Prayer”. All I hoped for was to be brief, beautiful, and interesting enough to fall instantly head over heels in love with. A positive reply would be really good, too. This is the message as it was sent:
This is a response to your advertisement on Excite Classifieds & Auctions. |
Male Seeking Female: Long-term, 45 y/o, 5 ft. 10 in. Tall, Vancouver, BC, Seeking wife to be love&friend |
Http://classifieds2000.com/cgi-cls/ad.exe?P1+C180+R2494555 |
Hi! I think you must be very brave to try this… But your words mirror my feelings so I’m writing in response to your ad. In fact you might already be writing to someone, if so, I’m very happy for you. If not, and you’d like to introduce yourself to me, I’d like that alot. You might be surprised how much I match your words, but I think it’s important to find out if we can be great friends, hopefully! I’m completely fascinated with Egypt, and even been teaching myself Arabic – hahaha hard to do alone, want to consider helping me in email? And I’m very serious about learning more about Islam… Want to recommend a good English translation of the Quran? I don’t really have anyone to ask questions to… That’s why your ad seems especially nice to me. Please feel free to write me back at K***_Aisha@hotmail.com, but please only write me if you are truly divorced, and truly interested in pursuing friendship! |
Salam and more smiles |
;^) |
K*** Aisha |
Note: To see the sender’s profile, please go to: |
Http://classifieds2000.com/cgi-cls/ad.exe?P76+C180+R3398787 |
*** Thank you for using Excite Classifieds & Auctions! *** |
I hit the Send Button, and let Allah carry it with my prayers and thanks, then ran to hide under my bed covers… sleepless again! I hardly dared to breathe, much less sleep, but to be honest, I felt a big surge on my ‘Self Confidence’ meter!
;^)
Click Here to continue to the next Episode
linked up with today’s Daily Post “Daily Prompts,” where the prompt today is, “Take a chance on me.” This was definitely the biggest chance I ever took in my life. To find out if it worked out, read more of my story, I’m happy to have you along on my joyride!
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/take-a-chance-on-me/
What a wonderful story! My husband and I met on match.com way back in the day (pre-cell phone and photos, and it was free!), so I can relate to that part of it. 🙂
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Did you really! Lol it was so scary back then – everybody knew somebody who had disappeared after falling in love with someone on the web – it was like the perfect opportunity to get kidnapped or something else much worse! Were you scared, too, as I was?
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Good for you!
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Lol thank you! ;^)
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Hi I’ve nominated you for an award. Congratulations! Please check out my post for details: http://zainabjavid.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/blogging-awards/
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The fear of rejection can tear apart anyone, lowering the self confidence to zero. It was nice reading all your thoughts. Love the beautiful photo 🙂 xx
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You are so right! I think I will let go of a bit more baggage on that topic in the next post… this is awesome therapy, like cleaning out the closet! Xoxoxo thank you so much for the encouragement! ;^)
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Oh yes you are so right. The only therapy we writers can have 🙂 Love xx
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The mainframe computer looks crazy advanced. I’d be afraid to even be in the same room with it—what if it was going to attack me when I’m not looking?! Pretty awesome you get to work with them.
Good on you for mustering up the courage to go for what you wanted. Not always easy!
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Thanks! I was super scared and it really wasn’t always easy, but Thank God it all worked out like a miracle!
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I can’t wait to hear how this turns out!
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Thanks! God Willing, I’m posting the next episode next weekend!
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I love the look back at computers and the internet. Crazy to see how far it’s all come in such a short time.
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Yes, it’s really amazing how much change we’ve seen! Thanks for reading!
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I was in the Navy for 30 years and I think I’ve seen that main menu before, but who knows? I have trouble remembering what happened last week. Looking forward to next week’s post.
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Lol thanks! Go Navy!
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Dear Aisha;
Lovely story… I saw that many people online have met their beloved ones at matchcom or online dating sites. I should give it a try !!! By the way I tend to be quite skeptical when it comes to long term relationships. And I just avoid further engagement when it comes to relationships…
Anyway back to the post… That add you have sent him is so wonderful.. That strategy led by the motto: “Reply to this ad with your ad” seemed to work perfectly at the end.. ❤
Thanks for this Joyride to Egypt. I so much enjoyed this episode.
Best wishes & many hugs, Aquileana 😛
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Hi Aquileana, thanks so much for reading, and your comments are so relevant – this is where I was at that time, too, everyone was frightened of the “madman/rapist/online stalker” – me too, I was scared to death by the fear of the unknown!
But when I thought about the fact that we dont know squat about the guy we just met in the bar/starbucks/church/farmer market and we don’t have a problem going out with him tomorrow night.. even though he, for all we know, could be that madman/rapist/online stalker… well, I just decided it’s safer to stay away from bars/church/farmer markets! At least for the purposes of dating!!!
It is so much easier to hit delete than having to change your phone number when a guy turns into a nutcase after a few encounters… and being forced to correspond by email only will weed out the bad guys pretty quickly – madmen/rapists/online stalkers are pretty lazy about open honest platonic (lol ;^) knew you’d appreciate that one) conversations that continue over an extended period of time, or at any rate he will hit delete on you and go look for easier prey.
Or you will figure out he’s a jerk and hit delete on him, either way, the email correspondence trick is a great strategy for weeding out the jerks, and the one who sticks with you is doing it because you two have something in common that is enjoyable – always a great place to start a “real” relationship, right?
So it’s definitely not guaranteed, but it does have its merits, trying to find the love of your life online, my dear good friend, and I do hope you give it a whirl because as you know well with your very interesting and successful blog, there are many, many intelligent, mature, and loving/loveable men online looking for exactly what you have to offer. Time to prepare your thoughts for the hunt, Artemis… I mean, Aquileana?♥♥♥♥♥ ;^)))
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★ ★ ★ Hi Aisha ★ ★ ★
I am here back again to reply more in depth to your comment…
Your isnights as regrad to relationships and particularly about the source of them are truly eloquent… You are very witty my friend. I agree with you as regards to the way of meeting men. Online and in “real life” doesn´t differ too much , does it?… As a matter of fact and going further I would say that getting to know someone online give us the chance to know more… The platonic bond is meant to be succesful if the relationship grows up online… That´s my humble opinion . But I do believe we can fall in love without knowing the person in physical terms.
When it comes to relationships I can take them to the “next level”.. I have had boyfriends but never thought of marrying and so on… I ´d love to have kids though.
I think I cherish my independence and I am also quite afraid of failing in long terms relationships. I am not so sure if I would be able to change that as I think it has to be with my way of being… Some close friends tell me that my approach is like this because I have never been in love…
I am not so sure…
The online /matrix connection does make sense to me.. Who knows. Imagine if I´d ever met the man of my life online …
You can be my bridesmaid!!:
Sending you much love & many hugs, my dear Friend,
Aquileana 😛
──✽✿✽──
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Wow, that would really be a great honor, Aquileana! I am happy to have this conversation with you, you are right its much easier I believe to get to know someone much better when they are online. “Real” relationships progress too quickly – the temptation to fly too near to the sun, right? ;^) and usually for this reason they meltdown too quickly, too. It’s just a guess on my part, but I feel you are a very intelligent woman and you might be concerned about finding someone who not only appreciates that in you, but also can impress you with his intelligence as well. It’s incredibly important to be academically compatible, altho I feel not enough attention is given to this important point in the Western world.
Lol do you know any young handsome philosophy professors? That’s a good couple of keywords to remember for match.com or wherever girls look online for husbands these days ;^)
I’m wishing you the best, Aquileana, and I feel you may be closer to what you’re looking for than you realize!
♥♥♥♥♥ ;^)
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Pingback: My Self-Confidence Paradox | A New Life Wandering
you are so honest and refreshing. It is so obvious you are a happy woman!!!
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Thanks so much, lol, it’s true, I thank God everyday for my happiness! You’re so sweet! ♥♥♥ ;^)
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